Actual photo of the scorpion in question before it got squished.

scorplings make them sound adorable

It's so good it might be MY new headshot.

Semen lip gloss.

Nothing says "bind me to you for eternity" like a sparkly purple mother of the bride/doubles as fun cruisewear top.

Maddie. Your voice. I want you to narrate my life please.

Testimonial: I tried this look and got a lot of sex. Thank you, Maddie

holy shit that is hilarious

It's a momma and her young. Baby scorpions (scorplings) ride around on their mother's back and are protected by her—in some species for quite a while.

Your jokes are well appreciated.

This is magnificent. Thank you Madeleine. (Especially for the lipstick history lesson, which has caused me to get spit on my laptop.)

I went to Air Force basic training in San Antonio. The training instructors loved to tell us this story about a former recruit. One day, while he was standing at attention with the rest of his flight, a scorpion somehow crawled into this kid's uniform and stung him, but he just stood there stock still with the right…

Actually. all the movies to the contrary, being "bitten" by most scorpios is no worse than being "bitten" by a bee.

Now we have to worry about motherfucking scorpions on the motherfucking plane?

Great. Now I'm picturing scorpions with little suitcases boarding planes.

Here's your new headshot

One time a giant tropical roach hitched a ride in my sister's luggage on her way back from Costa Rica. Customs opened the bag of cookies her host mom gave her and I guess the smell attracted the bug. My sis and I took out all the fragile stuff and souvenirs then threw the bag outside, stomped on it, and RAIDed the…

A dramatic re-enactment.