rip all marbles

I can't bear to watch. Does the bird let the poor hippo up for air? How long does he hold the hippo under?

Imma ride one.

Apparently when I'm too freaked out to articulate words I go "ngaah" in a quiet, quavering voice. This is what I learned about myself today.

I'm more shocked about the Bud lite.

Lol, I sorta feel that way whenever I see Big Ang.

You are the Paul Revere of weird dongs.

I said to him, "Ron, you've gotta do something!" And he says to me, "Well, why don't you get one of those vagina enlargements?"

And it's fixed. Like this teen, apparently...

So, I love how your link to the Uproxx article (I assume) just goes to the Jezebel tag for brobdingnagian.

I believe Fred Willard in Waiting for Guffman had the first penis reduction surgery.

I'm a celebrity face-mash savant.

I like your comments, you seem cool.

HOW HAVE I NOT SEEN THAT BEA ARTHUR VIDEO?! It is now my everything.

Emile Hirsch's face is the pretty version of Michael Shannon's face. Though, by all accounts, Michael Shannon is a pretty cool guy and I don't feel right dragging him into this.

I have actually had a Reuben pizza that was amazing. It was a thinner crust pizza, but they used Russian dressing for the sauce and swiss cheese.

This Dirt Bag is beautiful, thank you, Mark <3

Yeah, well this is the woman who said that adults shouldn't drink milk, because we're the only animals that do it past infancy.

That makes me sad in the fat parts.