Read? I read!

When I was pregnant we hashed out names and mine wanted to name a potential boy after his brother who died in infancy. And I was all, "that's so sweet, what was his name?" Cleofus. That did NOT happen.

I have a long list of words to describe his actions, "smart" is not one of them.

And obviously it didn't cover his ass.

Sadly, you did not imagine it. Even more sadly, it's a European wide (worldwide!?) epidemic. Luckily there are enough legit Italian pizzerias in my town that I can easily get proper pizza...but Christ, try getting a corn-free pizza in like, Hungary! *shakes head dejectedly*

Olives of all colors and creeds are delicious, especially on pizza. This list is an abomination. Arugula? Fried eggplant? HAMBURGER AT #3? This is the pizza topping hierarchy of a serial killer...I'm thinking John Wayne Gacy.

I remember taking a training course to assist people with filling out orders of protection, and something the instructor said always stuck with me. She said "abuse is not about the abuser not being able to control himself/herself. If that were the case, the abuse would happen anywhere, any way. If the person can wait…

It's usually because they (abusers) will flip on the charm and appear super fucking normal before an audience. So, if the cops weren't called as any violence was happening, with one party asking the cops to take way the other, then when the get there, cops usually just make the couple separate and one person leave. A…

Well she wasn't a pizza fan so pretty sure it would have been a "nein."

Ever since the word "context" was ever a thing...

Would you describe this incident as "White cop shoots black guy."?

I loled.

My sister-in-law is nuts (OMG GET IT I'M SO FUNNY) about cashews on pizza. I can see them (or peanuts) being good on a Thai pizza (which we won't even get into right now), but I'm not sure about them on a regular pizza basis. I am intrigued by the artichoke pairing, though.

Also, meat on pizza is gross. It just makes it turn into a greasy abomination

or rather what are my childhood traumas....

Since they put us in concentration camps. -The Japs

PINEAPPLES NUMBER ONE, what's wrong with you, Pinkham, if that's your real name? Olive at like number 22? You must be an insane person, it's the only logical explanation.

THIS LIST IS SO WRONG.

You know what the best pizza is, hands down, no arguments, THE END? Artichoke & cashew. Seriously, people. Artichoke & cashew. This discovery changed my life and I feel sad when I go to pizza places that don't have both items on the menu.

Last week.

Pinkham, you ignorant slut. Literally everything that you are saying is wrong. I need you to know that because this is the internet and nothing is more important than telling strangers that my opinion is more correct than theirs.

It can take a while to find the gun emoji.