Strangler fig trees, man. They are nuts. They're like half-tree, half-Cthulhu, and they want your temples. All of 'em. Give them your temples or pay the price, puny humans.

fuck it, I'm going to the Vatican in some assless chaps.

Gonna let it slide this time because that other article didn't have a photo of an insane looking tree. Can we talk about the tree? That tree is way more interesting than derpy American sister butts.

Please post tree pics.

Maybe Jezebel is starting a new weekly column: Who Wrote it Best?

Well, you got me there.

Cambootya is my favorite.

Fair point. It's important to give each butt its due. I'd forgotten that. But which butt is this one about?

Two butts were involved?

Papa Johns first broke my heart in 2003. We were drunk, watching TV, and a Papa Johns commercial came on where they said they would GIVE you a Drop Dead Fred DVD with the purchase of two medium pizzas. We rushed to the website, only to find that there were no Papa Johns that would deliver in Chicago. Total heartbreak.

Booty cam.

Justice is swift.

I just can't imagine wanting my sister to take a photo of my bare ass. I certainly can't imagine asking her to do so.

Stassa Edwards wrote an article about this fiasco on Jezebel only yesterday. Why the need for two different authors to write up and publish two different pieces on the same event twice in 24 hours?

You don't have to like, tell them what it's for. I didn't know what any of the shots I got were for. You just got a shot. Sit down. Here's a lollipop.

Because why get a vaccine when you can just rub some lavender oil on your temples and drink extra orange juice?

Because vaccines cause nebulous "injuries," and we "haven't studied them enough" and "mercury." Michelle Bachmann claimed that the HPV vaccine caused a healthy girl to suddenly start suffering from "mental retardation." I legit watched someone say not to vaccinate against HPV because "cervical cancer is one of the…

One of my cousins just posted about how she did not want to kids to get the HPV vaccination when they were 12 and it really seemed like her reasoning was that she didn't want to think about her kids having sex. It was so bizarre...

jfc. Where on earth do people get the idea that reducing the risk of their daughter getting cancer ,becoming infertile or both will make her want to have all of the premarital sex ever?

But a bottle of Boone's Farm and listening to Whitesnake will.

I missed this vaccine entirely and it sucks. I went to the lady doctor for the first time last month and she was FURIOUS that my male GP had deemed me at low risk since I wasn't sexually active at the cut off age. She said even if I stayed a unicorn riding virgin until the day I died the vaccine couldn't have hurt.