Also he hates fruit pies. That's some bullshit right there.

Caramel apples are delicious so you shut your mouth.

This is a really trivial reason reason not to like someone. You must be fun at parties.

The year is 1997. I'm 9 years old, opening presents with my huge, Catholic family, as always. It's time to open my last gift, a box from my parents. The whole family watches as I unwrap the box, open it, and reveal... a butterfly print training bra and matching underwear! I. Am. Mortified.

Did you go out with the asshole boyfriend from 10 Things I Hate About You?

Thank you, and everyone for your kind comments. Living through it and coming out on the other side when I was mired so deep and could see no way out has brought strength and clarity. Thank you to all the Jezzies who've unknowingly helped me along my daily journey. Years later, I'm making sure I'm better every day,…

Oh, man. This one is GOOD. Your grandma is special.

I have a goodie! Three years ago, my grandmother on my mom's side decided since my sister and I didn't have children, she wasn't speaking to us. Mind you, I was 24 and my sister was 21. Both very single.

Really? SLAMa only ranks 24th on a list of WRESTLERS?!

For what its worth (not much), Castro has said he regrets the persecution and the island has opened up significantly. 1960 was a long time ago. They also now perform state sponsored gender reassignment surgery free of charge.

What exactly are Rubio's issues? That Cuba isn't a democracy? That they are "tyrants." Funny that didn't seem to be a problem when his aides went to China this summer, sponsored by the Chinese government. Where was all your "democracy" talk then, Mr. Rubio?

Cuban. Jazz. I was a teenager when the Buena Vista Social Club album and film came out and it changed my life. I cannot wait to visit Cuba and hear music, experience a culture, which has been nearly off limits for so long. My teenaged self is jumping up and down and screaming ART NEVER DIES.

I'm sure all the folks at the State Department who have been carefully working their asses off for this for years just love two-bit nitwits like Rubio and Graham wading into the fray.

Really. Who can be mad about this? Oh no, that embargo and denial of diplomatic relations meant to bring down the communist government in Cuba that didn't do anything to bring down the communist government in Cuba might be ending soon?!

lol yes god bless the future of every single person who reads this and immediately ricochets into "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME"

Did you even read this? Nobody is asking you to apologize. This isn't about you. The fact that you managed to be offended by this piece is a testament to just how much you don't get it.

I am a good white person. ... And do you know what? I don't see a need to apologize for it.

"Oh God it's mom" is one of the top 10 Youtube moments ever.

Dear Moms of All Politicians Everywhere,

I make my own all the time. But you know what really ups the deliciousness factor, for me? Not connecting it, needlessly, to food-scare propaganda.