winner.

He was born there, but he grew up in California. A childhood amongst soda-drinkers doomed him forever.

"The Midwest produced Skyline Chili and the St. Louis Cardinals"

When the oceans rise another 3 feet and the refugees from Arizona Bay, West Virginia Harbor and the Gulf of Arkansas come pouring inland, those who do not call it "pop" will be refused entry into our glorious new republic.

1. One man? Oh dear. You mom wants you to take out the trash, Blake. Turn off the computer and come back when you're older.

Any sane person who has ever spent time in Charlottesville or on the UVa campus will tell you how dangerously out of hand "Greek Life" has been for decades. UVa is largely for kids of privilege, and the school and community surrounding it go out of their way to shelter upper-class students, even the fratbros who…

This is some excellent headline writering.

You don't like peanut butter kisses? What are you, an animal?

Nebraskans in general have a pretty unique sense of humor.

I'm also digging what appears to be a full crab costume, lurking in the background.

Those of us out here in the Mid-Wastelands are but a bunch of tribal savages, not fit for discussion in polite company.

GRIM KIM!!! Since when do you write for Jezebel? I love everything you do, by the way.

"an increase in the incidence of celiac disease"