Well if you’re going to blow things up and want people focus on the youth aspect of the event, you gotta go with a McVay.

See you in Vauxhalla!

This is what wikipedia lists as important events that happened on my birthday. I’m too lazy to delete the positive events, but even without it’s still a long list.

Playstation 3 will retail for $599 USD!

The punctuation really make some of those shine.

The interesting thing is this was just one guy.

Yeah, and all my fireworks warn me not to use them indoors. The scorch marks on my ceiling should be enough for you to know how well Americans heed warnings.

I’m a high school teacher. One day during summer school I parked in the back of the student lot since the teacher lot was being repaved. At 6:45 am, I watched a female student straight chug about a 1/5th a bottle of Cuervo silver while sitting in the driver seat of her car. She got out, walked in to the building, and…

Great work, Ballaban. Really tremendous stuff. However, I must say that you left out the most crucial dramatization of nuclear war that currently exists on the Internet.

+1 unibrow masturbation

Barf Mitzvah

Now open up your mouth and lets have a look at that brain.

When asked about his offensive line play, Petty said, “Don’t do me like that”

“The Fiat 124 Spider, for the discerning dog.”

alternate headline:

Does it come with a copy of The Game and a can of Monster?

The official vehicle of “this is the last payment I skip, I promise.”