What kind of fucking loser high-schooler keeps a calendar like this?

He can produce a 36 year old calendar from when he was a junior in high school, but no one can seemingly find the work he did for the W. Bush White House?

He should be disqualified just for that. Like did he have to call his mom to get this? How did that conversation go?

And who the fuck had a calendar in High School, let alone kept it for the last 36 years?!? 

Extra! Extra!

can’t wait to tell my mom “the rest of the world is laughing at us”

It makes a lot of people uncomfortable that he’s a celebrity lawyer. But I have no doubt he would do better than Trump by a long shot, and help reverse the damage to whatever extent he could.

Why does anyone even ask Huckabee-Sanders anything? 90% of the time she doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, and even if she does, she is just going to lie about it anyway. There is literally no value in having her on TV.

Disagree. Avenatti is the only one on the left so far that has shown he’s adept at outmaneuvering the shitheads on the right. He’s teased over-the-top allegations before and then backed them up. Despite the multiple, credible allegations about Kavanaugh the republicans have shown their intention to ram him through.…

Bitch.... Michelle O accomplished more in her life BEFORE she became first lady than you and your whole tornado bait trailer trash family have ever even read about. Double Ivy League Graduate. Lawyer. Hospital Administrator. Mother. Go getter. Accomplisher of many things, not the least of which is to be married to a…

They couldn’t because he shut their mouths by holding his hand over their mouth and choked their necks.

At least he won’t be able to kneel for the anthem for a few weeks. 

No, no, no - you got it all wrong - she said

True story - what’s even sadder for that beer vendor is that his job doesn’t even provide enough to allow him to go back to his home in Kansas to visit his father. His dad had to use some of his retirement savings to travel to Landover just to be able to see his boy.

Mugging victim: It was a hot dog sandwich.

Having to fly into and out of Logan Airport regularly for work, I can say that this, in fact may have not been as much a race issue as a Shithead Logan Airport Employee problem.

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart...

Best college football team I’ve ever saw. 17 first rounders. Multiple All-Pros with one sure-fire HoF (Reed). It would have been 2 but Sean died tragically (and he was Reed’s back-up). 3 other borderline HoFers (Johnson, Gore and Wilfork). Heck in my opinion all 3 are (Andre was a top 3 receiver for a decade playing…

No, my good sir. No. He was never more exciting than peak Adrian Peterson. Hell, he wasn’t more exciting than peak Arian Foster or Chris Johnson. He’s been very, very good and very available for very long. That’s impressive enough.