“Hey man, we’re not THAT close.”

Wait until the dipshits make the connection that Quicken Loans Arena where Lebron used to play is nicknamed the “Q”.

Thoughts and Prayers

Looks good on you, though!

The problem is, you were pooping. Just like my dad was always pooping. You want to stop being accused of pooping, don’t take an hour to poop.

In regards to roasting your kids, I’ve mentioned before but I’ve already gone too hard and now my small child knows how to roast me endlessly all the time.
“What’s up, short stuff?”
“I’m gonna be taller than you one day, and then I’ll beat you up.”

“Can I have a snack?”
“No. Dinner will be ready in a couple minutes.”
“I…

I’d have gone with something more topical

They also probably extended Gurley too early, and at an unnecessary leap relative to other RBs. Why overpay when you’re not competing against any other offers?

I am salivating at the possibility that the Rams are stupid enough to pay a WR that has put up decent numbers playing with all-time QBs but not the best defensive lineman in professional football.

Oh, it’s just a sitting president telling the world he always knew his lawyer was up to illegal shit. Because....stable genius. 

I think Giuliani has been driving around in a SUV with Goal Posts attached to the roof.

I hope Sarah Sanders’ life is pure hell once she finishes.

I hope that few months at the podium was worth it, Sean. This is the rest of your life.

Malcolm Butler is the randomly most impactful player in NFL history. He changed the course of TWO Super Bowls and played a grand total of 1 important play.

“Nineteen Eighty Fouah was a great yeah!” - President-for-life TrashHeap

“Drunk racists with guns.”

No. He must not be allowed to benefit for his time destroying the country. Fuck you, Sean Spicer

Grinda blew open the Russian money laundering going on in the Balearic Islands a few years ago, and he’s been on a mission to take down the Russian Mob for years. Imagine having his expertise when dealing with potential money laundering charges for the Trumps (Sr, Jr, Eric and Ivanka). If Mueller is getting…