Please, when you decide to sell this car, post on craigslist and forward to Jalopnik so we can vote on it for “Nice price, or crack pipe”. I don’t care what you are asking I will give you a nice price just for the story alone!

That sentence is mesmerizing, especially with the “forever” at the end.

After living in southern West Virginia for a decade I am nowhere close to figuring out the reason for this. The only inkling that I have is the identity of the the miner. People are proud to be miners and proud of their fathers being miners. The coal industry itself is of course doing what they can to perpetuate this.…

...... The Aristocrats!

I will say I love Tom’s Twitter account regardless of his intentions or long game, here. It’s so clear he is an old man who has no intention of actually learning how to use Twitter but still tweets regardless. He’ll tweet like:

Watching local high school sports is such a grandpa move. Those professionals are too showy!

eating something solely because no one else likes it is the ultimate old man move.

You have already defeated yourself.

Happy to oblige. Forgot to mention: my Pop-Pop dubbed her Bessie, and she is my beautiful perfect girl.

Alright, buckle up for a Shakespearean epic that I promise will be worth your while.

In retaliation, Trump has ruled that Thai timber imports will only be allowed from trees that Jean-Claude Van Damme cannot kick down in twenty blows.

Clearly his dizzying intellect.

The deranged partner of one of my childhood friends once looked me directly in the eye, scowled, and firmly announced “I don’t read,” in a tone that would have been appropriate if she was saying “I don’t kill and eat people” or “I don’t force my kids to eat meth.”

It’s fucking word salad. He’s the real life version of Michael Scott, without all the good parts.

“Eat my ass!” a teenage boy yelled at the U.S. Capitol rotunda on Wednesday morning.

Last Thursday I tweeted, “Mr. President, don’t forget Rex Tillerson called you a fucking moron.” Results!

I hear you. It is a crime that Rex Grossman is out of football.

Does this make sens? Of course it doesn’t. But this is an administration that appointed Jeff Sessions. Someone who was denied a judgeship because he was deemed too racist in 1986, but just racist enough in 2017.