Kinda like how Spanx are “shapewear” instead of girdles.

No. But I can haz that sweater?

I’ve rarely disliked a movie as much as this one. You have better reasons. I just thought they were all shitty people and didn’t really care what happened to them.

What in the fucking fuck?

Boyshorts are 7 for $30. (Still a good deal.)

Boyshorts are 7 for $30. (Still a good deal.)

That’s exactly how it came up. She was doing my eyebrows and I told her about how I overplucked in the 90s and they never recovered.

It’s like we went from one ugly extreme to another.

I started that for a bit as an adolescent because a friend I thought was cool did it. My mom put her foot down and said “YOU’RE USING THEM TO DRY YOUR CLEAN BODY. HOW FILTHY DO YOU THINK YOUR CLEAN BODY IS?”

We don’t have any evidence that people are getting sick from their own bath towels.

he asked to see the investigation’s report and the HFPA declined to share it.

I was around in the 80s and I do NOT remember anybody shrieking about the “nanny state” when Nancy Reagan told us to say no to drugs. And I’m pretty sure we’ve lost more people to bad diet than to ODs.

I got makeup professionally done for a wedding last weekend and chatted with the artist about 90s eyebrows. And by “chatting,” I mean I asked her “WHAT THE FUCK WERE WE THINKING?’

As a child, ending up unmarried and childless seemed like a terrible fate to me. It’s extremely liberating to experience one of your biggest fears come to life...and discover it’s not only not that bad, but has some serious pros.

I recently had to tell someone what “spinster” means. (“Me” wasn’t quite enough, LOL.) I’ve been itching to reclaim the word for years.

The Middle was the true Roseanne reboot. I remember thinking when it premiered that “wow, we haven’t seen this on TV since Roseanne. People actually worrying about money like most fucking people!” And Sue is such a great person.

Grown-up Darlene was pretty much my least favorite character. I’d watch a Jackie sequel provided they retconned again and made her not pathetic. Laurie Metcalf deserved better.

Only tangentially related, but no one ever tried to pull my hair during sex before free porn was all over the internet. Now I’m frequently yelling at dudes to stop yanking my hair. I don’t like it. And if someone ever tries to choke me without asking first, he will get fucking tazed.

I was a female incel for nearly 10 years and absolutely, definitely never lost interest in sex. The opposite, actually.

I find them frustratingly analogous in my life. The more I need a job, the less likely I am to get an offer and the more I care for someone, the less he wants me. And vice versa. It’s like if you give off the slightest whiff of need, you’re poison.

Here’s a wild and crazy idea: STFU and cut the client’s hair the way they asked.