“We were totes gonna raise the age for firearm purchases, but then that old senile lady driving to Old Country Buffet had a low speed collision with a tree, which means we must divert our attention towards the real threat: pornography. Also my browser history was always empty.”

Voldemort’s somehow uglier real life counterpart went on to clarify, “..but please dont think this means we’ll prosecute if you shoot an unarmed, uppity colored kid. All ground is white and you should always stand it. In fact, I think I see a darkie that may have just jaywalked. Here, hold my smaller gun for a second,…

Impressed isn’t the right word, but I would be *something*’d if one of these shootings was done with a repop six shooter or a muzzle loader.

Next up on HGTV: Money Laundering Makeovers! You’ve never seen bathroom remodels and their resulting criminal indictments done like this before!

This video proves it: pandas are, in fact, half bear and half cat.

Why is it I never see a job posting on Monster titled “Baby Panda Player-Wither”? I NEED THAT JOB!

Ermagherd. THOSE ADORABLE PANDA SQUEAKS!

Monthly!!?! I thought we were getting paid bi-weekly for being anti-facists? The damn libtards tricked me again!

I’m jelly. My commute is 30 min by car, excluding the $5 bridge toll. Granted, I also work from home every other week so it balances out.

There’s no reason not to like you; you’re awesome! The only person you still need to convince is yourself, and you’ll be in grand company when you love you like we all do!

I won’t lie, I’m one of those weird outliers that runs unmedicated because all the side effects (and believe me, I ran the gambit) made everything other than the one treated symptom WAY worse. That said, I still absolutely dip super hard once and again and tag myself, but it is very rare these days.

How bad are your swings? I weirdly had a SUPER hard time and struggled badly until I was diagnosed, but after recognizing the behaviors (massive depression swings, cutting due to OCD, and the manic states where I made insane choices) I’ve actually managed to kinda semi balance out?

Just wait until y’all get jobs.

How bad is it? I fucking HATE my job, but it pays well, has good benefits and very good perks. Also subsidizes gbgf staying in the field she loves (and also complains about every day; someone please help me)

So what youre saying is i can mail you my cat? He meows.....18 hours a day. When he’s not sleeping. Also, he thinks we speak his meow and it’s getting creepy because he has a few (relevant: aka food) meows that are borderline English.

Get a realtor you trust! Fuck anyone that says you don’t need one. Me and gbgf looked for at houses for a year and a half, six months of which was with a buddy who did realty as a side job.

Be sure to check up on everything they’re going to prescribe to you. I was forced in those studies due to my inability to sleep when I got committed and every one has warnings of suicidal thoughts and hallucinations. Exactly what a suicidal person needs...

Apparently my old pill addicted roommate has a female counterpart! Does she do that awesome thing when you have friends over and yells down to randomly call you up the stairs (from in their room with the door cracked) to ask if they’re talking about them? Isn’t that the best?

There’s only one ultimate solution here: challenge his ass to Thunderdome, kick him in the taint, then sleep with his momma!

So I read through everything (and maybe I’m experiencing tired-blindness), but is his new parter like...completely unaware of the previously existing situation? I kinda wanna be nosy and write more, but holy crap if she’s going into a marriage blind, oof.