Those are about 40 bucks fyi. 

You don’t get sex swings for $10 a month. Do they still do pizza nights? That used to be my jam.

Nope. They are still together, and looking even more alike than ever now that Joe is sporting a beard.  

I’m just so disappointed that this article didn’t begin “Avril Lavigne isn’t dead--she’s born again.” It was RIGHT THERE! 

Kind of a dick move of the builder to rat out whoever over indulged in all those pomegranates, walnuts and newly harvested wine...

To each their own, but this never quite worked for me personally. I blame the combination of horniness and loneliness (hornliness?) for a terrible on-again-off-again relationship in my 20's. I was only able to break the cycle by moving to a different continent. 

Mine was the opposite. He launched into a full gran mal seizure, writhing like an electrocuted snake trying to get the thing off. My attempts to remove the offending items were met with chomping teeth and wildly rolling eyes. Fingers were nearly lost.

But really, I know they’re not true. They’re not actually baby-eaters. But I will say that all these right wing conspiracies about Harris and Warren and their potential ritual baby-eating just proves that they shouldn’t be running. In fact, they’re actually terrible candidates because of these stories about their…

JFC Gritty looks like a hell demon in that photo!

He’s TERRIFYING!

If you do this on a White iPhone, it also posts bail and changes your current Facebook profile photo to your First Communion photo.

Nice Price, or Crack Pipe? 

It’s about a loyal and helpful beaver hand puppet whose handler selfishly abandons to live in a cloud while the puppet must fend for itself in a dystopian puppet world.

That’s not a story about McCain taking on a senior cadet and damning the consequences. That’s a story about John McCain the Third, son of the Admiral John McCain Jr and Grandson of Admiral John McCain Sr dropping names to get his way. The story is about John McCain bragging “My dad is your boss.”

I got my first concussion due to an extremely dumb confluence of events. It was one of those gym days where the teacher basically says “eh, do whatever you want”, so my friend Pete and I were trying to kick soccer balls from one end of the basketball court into the hoop at the other end. A few foot behind us, our…

As I heard someone say this week: “The enemy of my enemy is Omarosa.”

I’m sure they would love to read this, showing how welcome they were in America.  If only the current regime was in place back then:

I wish I could give you multiple stars for your name alone.  But your reply is on point.  I am going to have to add that to the arsenal.

I just watched a marathon of Cash Cab on the game show network this past weekend. Some of those questions are genuinely difficult!