Soooo.... You're saying these dollar sign contact lenses were not the smartest investment?

"Tastes like how coffee smells" is so very apt. I don't find the plan-ahead part to be a problem but it could be because I use it to make a giant iced coffee every single day. I just make a batch pretty much every Sunday night to use for the week ahead.

Behold: the Toddy

They should really update this pamphlet to reflect more modern sensibilities, such as the fact that we can now wear pink lady team shirts while enjoying our menfolks' favorite pastime!

+1

That's just a stereo...look, something shiny!

I want this. Badly. Enough so that I may be willing to venture out to the DC 'burbs to buy some from one of the salons.

This graphic will certainly be helpful when planning my next move. Now if I can only find one that explains the migratory patterns of assholes and douchebags....

Donna (162; perhaps not really her name)

Watch out, Princess Kay of the Milky Way nominees! They're coming for you next!

I've been squirting my boss with a water bottle all day. She doesn't seem to get it.

I stumbled across it a few weeks ago and ended up really enjoying it. The whole "hosted by Axl Rose" thing confused me, though.

I was watching the vote live on CSPAN when she came in and everyone started applauding. Words fail to describe adequately, so I will just say that it was awesome in the original sense.

Yeah, I'd stay away for a while. If the police don't get you, that guy with the camera cackling about some "AJ having to respond to [his] e-mail now" sure as hell will.

On the one hand, he could truly be mentally ill, in which case you should call your local Health & Human Services agency. On the other hand, he could just really hate tourists. I mean, who hasn't wanted to throw food or flash their bits at someone standing on the wrong side of the escalator?

Not to mention how annoying it is when co-workers interrupt your plotting with a head scratch or a belly rub.

Oh, sure. They want you to think they are lazy but they are just super-skilled at looking adorable while plotting to do evil. That kitty isn't napping, it's just mentally laying out the groundwork for it's next attack!

One of the couples in the NY Times liveblog has been together for 48 years. Fuck anyone who says same sex marriage is a threat to the sanctity of the institution.

Is That Bigfoot? Nah, Just Sonny Bono Heaving Himself Against A Tree

It's the hottest new dance craze! Do the "single lady":