It gets better! Note:

I can promise you that check will never be written.

seriously, Christ trash. You get Ted Nugent, not Bruce Springsteen. Victoria Jackson, not Amy Poehler. Feel free to suck on the barrel of your precious gunz if that’s a problem for you.

It’s literally his job to show up. Last night when everyone was saying how brave he was and “Thank you” for coming- he was doing the bare minimum that his job is supposed to require. Facing his constituents.

Just read that Nick Offerman tweet and honestly I have never been more turned on in my entire life. Verbally abusing the NRA might be my sexuality?

I like my crowbar. You know what stops people in their tracks? Having their arm broken with a solid piece of fucking metal. Plus I don’t have to live with the guilt and PTSD of having to kill anyone. So, win-win.

Are you serious? Most gun trade shows will sell you weapons on the spot, no back ground check. The Las Vegas shooter used legally purchased bump stocks to turn his semi-automatic weapons into virtually auto fire weapons.

I’m all for this kind of bill, but only if it stipulates that the translation into the PURCHASER’S language is the one the contract has to honor. Insurance company made a mistake in the translation? Oops, fuck you you have to honor it and should’ve made sure to hire a better translation service to accommodate the…

Wolves hunt in packs to wear prey down to kill it easier. It’s amazingly effective and efficient, and it looks super intelligent and planned and tactical, but c’mon, they’re wolves. They’re not sitting around in the forest hashing the plan out. They work on a fundamental, base-instinct level.

JUST SO WE ARE ALL CLEAR, WHICH IT APPEARS WE ARE NOT:

Don’t forget Bellingham!

This city rules.

Hope Hicks also dated Corey Lewandowski, soooo yeah. Horrible taste.

When Kelly publicly lied about Congresswoman Waters as part of his defense of Trump, he said “When I was a kid, Women were sacred and looked upon with great honor...” I literally got the creeps at that point. He grew up in a Catholic community in working class Boston in the fifties, I know exactly how much honor women…

Chokers are scary. If you’ve been strangled by a domestic partner in the past you are ten times more likely to die of domestic violence by their hand than average.

And I’m sure his then-wife filed a police report and restraining order in 2010 as a political move to discredit Trump because she has a crystal ball and knew Trump would be president.

I have been in hiring committees in two different industries in which it was essentially policy to reject applicants with social fraternities on their resumes.

When you put a fraternity on probation for shit like this, you’re not telling them it’s wrong. You’re telling them to not get caught next time. Fuck greek life.

I went to Cornell, and with every story like this — on top of lived experience — it becomes clearer that we need to ban Greek life to improve college life.