HOW IS SHE SO AMAZING? WHAT IS HER SECRET? HOW CAN I BE 10% AS SMART AS SHE IS?

I’d just like to take a moment to thank you and say that you are a goddamn American hero. Stupidity and inability to think critically is a huge problem and any teacher who takes the time to actually teach deserves every available high five and thank you.

But for those celebrities more like

*takes deep breath* YOUR RELIGIOUS FREEDOM DOESN’T TRUMP MY RIGHT TO EXIST EQUALLY TO YOU.

I can’t drink enough to make that logic work. And this is coming from someone who literally had seven mimosas yesterday.

If someone had told me that this was how you play soccer, I’d have gotten interested long before now.

Truly, a gift to humanity.

Someone get me a banana and a condom. This girl needs fifth grade health ed.

I’m convinced Greta van Susterwhatever has some very real dirt on someone because she is the only non-fembot I’ve ever seen in that joint. But hey, at least she’s still blonde, right?

1. Take a drink every time a candidate says something demonstrably false

Beautifully said. This has been my problem with the rational people fighting with the wingnuts. Fucking stop entertaining their bullshit. Just tell them “no, you’re wrong. See? Facts.” And stop even having their dumbass conversations. It pisses me off that the democrats (who I don’t agree with on everything, but…

Holy fuck. I don’t know how I made it to 26 without reading this, but that really puts to bed the whole “states rights” bullshit that gets peddled. I rarely have cause to argue over this because amongst the people I hang out with, the Confederate flag is agreed to be racist but seriously, I don’t know how anyone could…

Yes, I’m feeling this plan. For the NRA:

And he voted against concealed-carry. Eight of his church members who might be alive if he had expressly allowed members to carry handguns in church are dead. Innocent people died because of his position on a political issue.

I also wonder why we fly the flag of a nation that, when it existed, was an enemy combatant. We sure as shit wouldn’t fly the ISIS flag and, quite frankly I don’t see a big difference in the two. The Confederate flag is a representation of what was, essentially, a foreign country. Our state houses should not fly the…

Dear Fox News,

Some thoughts:

Paid actors.

OK, first of all:

I have but one reaction: