I don’t disagree but I’d rather my husband say I was a pain in the ass but he loved all of me rather than copying an eulogy about someone else’s life that has nothing to do with mine. (that’s all he could say and I’d consider that more heartfelt.)

Oh, and she was also in several episodes of Girls.

Booster bags. They take a shopping bag, line it with tinfoil and it messes with the sensors. Plus, in retail, you’re told it’s better to let them steal then stop them and get hurt.

I encountered a Victoria’s Secret heist once. I was a manager at the American Eagle down the hall and on my lunch break. Three individuals loaded up on bras and walked out of the store with the alarm going off because they were fresh out of fucks that day. The manager chased after them and the one man in the group…

wow, that is so cool. i envy your talent and feel like that’s got to be so soothing

But you didn’t go out with the waiter? I am in love with the waiter.

Seems like open season on minorities and women this year. And every year.

Eh. I’m 24, but I’ll take it.

For real. I’m an English prof married to an English prof (yes, we teach at the same college). Boring as hell and loving it. I get that movies are written by writers with Humanities degrees so everyone has an affair with the Humanities prof because of some wish-fulfillment thing, but come on. We read to each other at…

“I tore up the shag carpeting thinking there were hard wood floors underneath, but it was just dirty linoleum.”

She is a clueless joke

Maybe if she were extraordinary, she’d make more money.

“If you have to be extraordinary, be extraordinary.”

She ain’t lost, she’s getting fucking paid to be an obnoxious POC GOP Media rep. I’m betting a 5-10 million annual stipend from the Koch/Fox war chest.

Anyone else notice how hard Dash was trying not to cry while Meredith was raking her through reality like a hoe through spring’s fresh manure?

I REGRET MISSING MY FATHER’S FUNERAL TO AUDITION FOR THE VOICE

“Just a little make-up, some natural looking make-up”

Dying. This is too great. I also love the “natural looking makeup!” line. A dude at work once told me he didn't think I was wearing any makeup. Um: foundation, powder, eyeshadow, subtle eyeliner, mascara. He might just be an idiot though.

I appreciated that Lucy looked a bit like she was going to cut that lady, too.

He obviously doesn't know the meaning of "recovered". He's a douche and a half but I still like the way he plays the guitar. I'm soooo conflicted.