CLOSE to the common woman, but not close enough that they might actually touch her with their grimy hands.

The struggle is real, y'all.

Huh. I dubbed January "SAD month" and just watched "Last of the Mohicans" on a loop and cried and cuddled the dogs until they got weirded out by my tears and went to hide out in another room.

Also, doesn't she live in Southern California? You don't really survive January in Southern California, you just...bring a light jacket when you go outside, right?

This seems like as good of a place as any for this:

"We know that a woman's time is her most precious resource"

The second someone uses the word "curate," I tap out. Hard.

He was just trying to break up the monotony of the work week, GOD SITA take your judgment somewhere else

like when i was in college, one dude was literally jerking off on the sidewalk at 3 am on a THURSDAY

I'm incredibly close to the common woman

What in the fuck??? how could that appeal to anyone? Or even be legal? Dammit. I never liked him anyway but this is just disgusting

Doesn't matter. If they can't get away, it's fucked up. Wanna shoot a deer? Put a little effort into it.

Exactly. They may have been trapped in the wild and transported to the location live, but they are fenced in and can't get away. 'Cause having guns isn't enough of an edge for those manly men.

how is babby formed

Yah, I get that sometimes you see a person and think "wow, they look like a turtle" or some other creature but 1) Michelle Obama does not in anyway look like an ape so there is no way it wasn't mean racially and 2) even if she did that is such a loaded term there is no way it can be used in a way that is not racially.

I went on a date with a guy whose parents were dog breeders. It was the first and last. Pretty sure the "your parents' job is morally reprehensible to me" conversation we'd eventually have to have wouldn't have gone too well.

"If I do, can you throw in a wafer or bagel or muffin or whatnot?"

"Ok, everyone's got some sort of secret ickiness. Why don't you just tell me yours right now and get it over with?"

Who did you vote for in the last election?

Have a completely and painfully honest conversation starting with: