Couch naps are the quick and dirty tricks of the napping world. I sleep harder and wake up more refreshed from a thirty minute couch nap than a thirty (or sixty) minute bed nap. Something about literally passing out vs. trying to sleep.

Better that he sleep on the train, rather than meeting strangers and plotting murders like in that documentary “Strangers on a Train”

The pros of being the last stop on the line are many, but fear of this is the tops.

Sleep, ranked:

Even Wentz read this joke and thought, “worth it.”

*’ed for “vincible”. Both a nice word and strikes at the heart of my personal terror over my imminent decline.

I feel like 50 is also when a lot of people finally end up getting divorced, because the kids are grown up. My dad waited until my sister was 18 before filing, and he was 55-56 at that point...

@donovanjmcnabb Who wants to CUM with me to see my attorney?

I wish they would include a comparison of people with and without kids.

Know what happiness you can buy: Money can’t buy you love (not emotional love anyway), but it can buy you some happiness if you spend it the right way. Buying experiences like fun trips, putting money toward your financial security, and spending money on others can give you a lasting mood boost.

Not to mention declining health. I was an invincible rock until about 45, and now I’m very vincible and it sucks.

Money can’t buy you love (not emotional love anyway), but it can buy you some happiness if you spend it the right way.

That is one of the most beautiful children I’ve ever seen.

Want to come to my house?

I never knew people even used those things. I just assumed they were props for showing real estate.

Is that kind of like thanks Obama?

I get my dopamine hits from Gizmodo, i09 and Lifehacker.

So who will Trump nominate to replace Haley

My grocery store is stocking a normal, non-fruity Leinies beer! I realize it’s not the most exciting brand compared to all of my Oregon beers, but I’m enjoying my bottle of nostalgia.

Guys, I’m exhausted. I just have too much going on in my life right now, and I’m not in a position to scale anything back at the moment. I just want to sleep for a week and for someone to tell me not to worry about anything—they’ll take care of everything.