Um, do you even know me?

I think I’m just on Team Kids. Their parents will keep fighting, and suddenly look up and realize the kids are all grown up.

I’m on Team Grow-Up-and-Figure-Out-How-to-Co-Parent. I am not impressed with the behavior of either adult in this situation.

Seriously. I am so tired of this ruse.

That ring looks fake af though, right?

I’m not sure I would say that my mom was “on point” if she gave me penis pasta.

I have this griddle with the waffle plates as well and I absolutely love it. Got it for Christmas last year and I use it all the time. I used it to make waffles Christmas morning this year. If anyone is on the fence over this one, just do it, you’ll love it.

I have this griddle with the waffle plates as well and I absolutely love it. Got it for Christmas last year and I…

After getting blown off by my BFF yesterday (she promised to spend Xmas day with me - her idea - then called to say her family was coming over, and she didn’t invite me), she said she’d call me today.

Hey Jezzies, hope you’re all having a fun Saturday evening. I am trying to stay positive and upbeat at the tail end of my first pregnancy here (35 weeks tomorrow) but it has been hard! I’m currently housebound and walking with a cane due to intense sciatic nerve pain. It’s driving me crazy because my husband works an…

Oh, dude. The first thing I did (I think even before we were sure I was with child) was go read the labels on ALL the soft cheeses at my favorite store—brie, queso, goat cheese, etc. All are pasteurized, and I was like HELL YES.

So... her ex was a Marine. Marines are not called sailors. Navy people are sailors. Is this some kind of Alaskan attempt at shade?

Thanks! I’m due the day after you. It has been a long and heartbreaking journey to get here so making it out of the first trimester was a really big deal. We haven’t told hardly anyone yet, so everyone’s Christmas present this year is getting to find out tomorrow that I’m pregnant, lol. Hope you're feeling well!

I am flying 100% solo tonight. Just me and a pizza.

Friends of friends just chose to live on the same street. The dad bought a house that was basically across the street. That way the kids & the parents never missed anything. The parents weren’t exactly besties, but they co-parented for real.

For the record, I’m refusing to spend Christmas with Madonna as well.

Don’t worry, I’m sure it was just a joke. A hilarious, witty joke.

I love the British method of television. When I was a kid and realized the seasons/series consisted of typically just 6 episodes, I was amazed. Then some shows dropped to a mere three episodes and I thought, no way they can get shorter. Now Luther’s only doing two. Quality, not quantity.

Poor George Clinton’s weave, having to listen to all this foolishness when it just wants to give up the funk.

Fun fact: In America we also have Freedom of the Press, which means you can’t legally get in trouble for beating someone to death with a rolled up newspaper.