GUYS JUST FYI DO NOT BUY CONDOMS AT THRIFTSHOPS

Smuggle in pregnant pee?

except for sex before marriage is a fucking smart idea.

It ain't vegan, that's for sure.

I wasn't buying that she was drunk. The original drunk histories had non-famous people getting hammered and it was brilliant. This was funny and all (always great when the person acting out scene mouths clumsy words of narrator) but the funny or die episodes felt more authentic. And the people got more hammered. I…

Oh, I have some good stories about a guy with Asperger's that I hooked up with in college and his obsessive, manipulative behavior.

As long as you make a sincere effort, your gift can be anything.

Both an adjective and a verb? She's definitely a noun too so I guess that makes her a triple threat.

So basically you're saying that since I have orgasms and do the crossword, I am going to have a super!Brain? EEEEEEXCELLENT.

Porn sex is to real sex, what reality shows are to real life.

Cannot unsee the Nutella covered banana. Now you've ruined a delicious snack and anal.

Yeah, pretty much. I have to put sandbags around my lawn on a pretty regular basis thanks to blowjob flooding. It's really a pain.

As an uncircumcised dude, this is news to me. I mean, I get the occasional hummer, and no one has ever been like "woah, no way skin-head, I aint going near that" or reacted in any way but positively. But, would I just be drowning in them if I was cut? Would blow jobs be raining from the sky? Would I literally be…

I think one should strive to be picky (intensely picky) about the relationship, not the person. There will certainly be overlap, but less than you'd think.

"dude must never have peed outside."

What. Cap't Kathryn Janeway of the U.S.S Starship Voyager is in the show?!

I think we can all agree that the posters that were in your first apartment meant you were 22 and had a shitload of self importance. I remember getting a poster for my freshman dorm room that was puppies drinking Guinness - because it combined two awesome things! - but then got teased so mercilessly for it that I…

It was $65 last time I had to get it.

My takeaway from the Nicki Minaj story is this, "AIM? Really? Was she communicating with him from my sophomore dorm room?"