Calm down there Donald.

Not at a rate higher than crime committed by Germans, no.

Not a dog, but here’s Wilson, who is a kid.

But they DON’T pay the artists. Didn’t you read the article? Or are you a Tidal intern and writing that type of kiss-ass comment is part of your job?

I was waiting for the “What kind of audiophile uses Beats?” comment, but this is good, too.

Thank you Jay’s assistant, that’s very good to hear.

I’m gonna need a pugh analysis on the pros/cons of all of my donut options. After you present me the facts and data supporting your decision I will throw it away and do whatever the fuck I want to do anyway.

Have you considered hiring a donut consultant to optimize your short and long-term snacking strategy?

“This means that Lochte’s suspension for pissing all over a gas station then lying about it to Matt Lauer will be almost twice as long as Michael Phelps got for a pair of DUIs.”

When I stand for the anthem I start mentally checking off the various ballpark foods I want to eat that day.

I’m just going to say this:

“Oh, it’s our turn again? Glad you guys finally got here.” -basketball

Las Vegas Nordiques. Get ahead of it from day one.

Haha you look dumb.

You are the reason people doing this is funny, just so you know.

Try reading it instead of listening.

MOE, you’re arguing a valid point with a bunch of kids that grew up with overly supportive parents. Pick up a brick and try again. Your results will probably be better.

The banner. In the picture. It says “No Excuses.” You are giving excuses, which is against what the banner says.

That reminds me of my dad and how he’d drive his IROC-Z onto the court where I was playing youth basketball and skid that thing real close to me while I was trying to shoot a free throw. If I missed, he’d flick a cigarette at me, peel out, and I wouldn’t see him for months. If I made the shot he’d nod at me…

Good dad, my ass. Look at how badly that kid’s missing his spots.