If they had more refs on the field, they’d never get anything done because literally EVERYONE would be writhing on the ground at all times.

As someone who thinks Rihanna is a beautiful woman, I think this woman was even more beautiful.

Because I’m a fucking idiot.

I’m a black man in my thirties and my favorite sport is baseball, and that can be an incredibly lonely experience. Like Rock, I’m also a Mets fan, and I became a National League fan in part for the same reason he did (his father, like mine, hated the AL because it somehow managed to be even more racist than the NL).

As someone who lives and works a few blocks from the Ben’s Chili Bowl on U Street, the last thing I’d want to eat before getting on a plane with limited bathrooms is chow down on chili cheese fries and half smokes. At 3AM? Sure. Stoned? Definitely. About to board an hour to eight hour flight? Fuck no.

Oh hey, cool, I didn’t need mascara today anyway.

I’m with you. I don’t see the benefit. Sure, people get mad when I read Deadspin on my drive to work and run a red light and hit a van full of puppies, but I think that’s mostly just because of the drinking.

But that weird, floppy fast food chain bacon?

Fortunately there was a police officer on the scene to disarm the woman before any lives were lost....

Reported cellmate:

Will, wait until you hit the 2-day hangover threshold. It usually kicks in some time after 35. Do a 5pm to 2am Friday session, and you’re still banged up on Sunday.

I think that’s Jim Gaffigan.

You’re going to curse at fat-shaming assholes? That does sound like fun

I was almost sad that Amy Sedaris would be gone forever from our late-night lives, but then I remembered who’s replacing Dave

Easy!

i agree. i am literally always craving a ham and cheese croissant as well

This is why, even today, there’s not a more disciplined internet commenter anywhere.

Everything is terrible and all things hurt.

“PEDs remain beyond the pale to a certain subset of baseball fans, those obsessed with the immutability of statistical accomplishments from era to era.”

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