Sorry, but that’s dumb. The artists appearing at this year’s fest didn’t sign contracts 15 years ago.

“...And they drive an ice cream van”!

All those names/references are pretty common secret society tropes — The Justified Ancients, The Land of MU, the number 23, Timelords... What I’m saying is be careful when you talk about The KLF.

I’m assuming a recline/don’t recline argument?

Obama was too concerned with... visiting with celebrities.

Boss Hogg did it better:

Thanks for the pro tip of not spending too much on the wine that I will drink with my Cheez Its. I almost went with a Domaine de la Romanee-Conti Montrachet Grand Cru, but then I  thought, what is this... a Thursday?!

Right...? I also wonder when women will succeed at removing Honor and Respect from society.

Your spouse looks like they could perform a vulgar act.

This Shape of Punk to Come person sounds like a numbnutz. “...Not judging,” lol. This idiot says things like, “there aren’t any ‘great local breweries’ outside of NY or Cincinnati”, and “the only city that’s not boring is New York!”

I’m with you. Ban it all...

Wrong.

I was in Long Beach, CA this summer, and learned that as a city, it is at the forefront of the emerging “Craft Jerky” movement.

...and don’t be pretentious about it.

At first I thought you were being an asshole, but then when you said there were almost ten articles you had to skip, I realized how rough you really have it. Stay strong; things really do get better,

Fuck you, speak for yourself! I’ve never done that.

Maybe Taylor Swift is a little young and poppy for a whack job Tea Party zealot, but Celine Dion and Jerry Seinfeld both seem about as safe and boring as you can get -- perfect for a whack job Tea Party zealot. And it’s not like Swift is pushing any envelopes -- she’s as milquetoast and uncontroversial as you can get…

Sorry in advance for stepping all over your First Amendment rights, but... you’re a dumb ass.

What is the sound of one hand making jerk off motions?

After the game, Dog stated, “We played a creative game. We showed a lot of heart. We played a bunch of cowards. The best team did not win today - I strongly, firmly believe that.”