*Shirley Voice* Ooooooh, that's nice!

It's the comforting crackle, the little lines and pops in the film, and the sort of fuzzy aura that celluloid projects. It's not really definable.

Look, everyone! Armond White made an A.V. Club account!

It's truly a glimpse into the blackest part of the souls of men lonely man-children.

Edible Complex! Edible Complex!

Jimmy Buffet has it all figured out. Except for where his shaker of salt went.

"I think I left my toothbrush at your house. Can I have an interview?"

I'm currently writing a paper, and I'm doing whatever I can to put it off. Only ten more hours until I have to turn it in!

I think a lot of it is high school kids; they're forcibly exposed to pop stars every waking moment. I can see how that can lead to deep, burning hatred.

For the first week or so, I think I actually did post on everything. I had just cancelled my cable, so I needed something to do.

I was just asking myself that same question this very morning, as I crawled out of bed, my head pounding.

Bah! Let's nuke the lot of 'em! Ex-President Bush sold me the launch codes for the U.S. nuclear arsenal in exchange for my old copy of Halo 3.

We aren't really mad at him personally; we're mad at his career, which makes us feel old and unfulfilled. Plus his music only appeals to females.

You'll get a hot plate of linguine in the face with that attitude.

I forgot about the overseas TV market; foreigners gobble bad CGI dinosaurs and overdone exposition up like candy. Oh, wait, I don't think they do. Whoops.

Even if they do see it, they'd never do that. This is FOX we're talking about, they want the show to appeal to families.

A-. Which it did, actually. What an A.V. Club thing to do.

But Vermont is on the East Coast! How are we on the Pacific Coast supposed to make sure you Godless liberals haven't added chemicals and drugs to it?

It's true! I was getting hot and bothered at a Canadian fellow just the other day for not calling Freedom Fries "Freedom Fries", and the delicious strip of pig meat he fed me calmed me down like that!

It'll have to echo meaninglessly through the cosmos.