Is she... a unicorn?

nope. clearly not.

THIS is how you tell me our date is canceled? Rude.

idk, I grew up poor and used to work at a Duncan Donuts... I didn't put it on my resume thought....

Two months is pretty badass, no fake modesty needed! Go you! :-D

You rock, stranger!

Married people don't have sex anyway...

Bienvenue's boyfriend, who says he had picked out names for all 5 of the babies, was understandably upset.

Meh, that song is probably about Kate Bosworth.

That is renaissance fair league nerddom.

I don't mind....

Wait... so you thought you lost a tooth but it really just went into hibernation inside your gums?

I get you, dude!

Thought you might want to know that I read your post in Nick Cage's voice because of your avatar.... then I laughed because Nick Cage makes everything sound hilarious. And strangely badass.

There are lots of decent Christians that I've come across... But yeah, the shitty assholes leave the strongest impression.

Wait, so am I supposed to sign up for health insurance or watch the movie Step Brothers?

I was talking to a "christian" once (ok, fine, sleeping with him) and he refused to believe that jesus said a wealthy man had less luck getting into heaven than a camel had walking through the eye of a needle. We had to google it to see who one the argument (spoiler alert, ME).

To be fair, Jesus would never pass their dress code. Long hair AND sandals? Pfffft.... the least the lord can do is wear a suit!

FACT: I approve of this statement