Luckily, there's a cockfighting competition happening at the youth centre and the prize is the exact amount needed to buy the house.

The fourteen-year-olds who make up PETA's most vocal support base are going to have to have the reference explained to them by older activists

I mean… you're right, yeah, but that's a fucker of a standard to hold someone to.

It's like drinking wine. Unless this is something you consume professionally, go with the cheapest option because nobody can actually tell the difference.

Nah, he's three kids in a trenchcoat and tight jeans

Well you can't have expected them to watch where they were going in their panic to get away when you came through the window

One of them came out of the side of their neck at the other.

People can complain and complain about apartheid, but South African independent cinema never did get ruined by the mainstream.

"They like Man, they like Animal… one kid seems to love the speedo-man."

Semaphore.

In fairness, he is pretty good.

I hear they haven't had a race riot yet.

Let's see anybody accuse Newswire of not having their finger on the pulse in 2015

An important disclaimer. Nobody wants to be on the wrong side of the Professional Smellers Union

Academy voting rights expire upon death of the member

"I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada in Cancun. And his hair was perfect"

Damn, now who will provide the boops?

Easiest thing is to just cover everything but the walls in newspaper and then leave a firecracker in the paint tin. You have to put a sign on the door though.

I'm just happy that it's promoting awareness of how long it takes paint to dry. People always assume it's done after five or six hours. That's why you get fingerprints in your coating.

You believe that? False flag, man. B.o.B.'s got us all looking in the wrong direction.