On my FFB draft night, I took Zeke in the second round and declared to my draftmates that I believed that the league had somehow fucked up the entire endeavor of investigating the incident and that AT MOST, Zeke would serve a two game suspension. They thought that line of reasoning was both cynical and also awful…

“Ppffftt!! When I tore my ACL, I repaired it myself with cat gut and the elastic from my underwear.”

Watching the video above, you have to cut Bortles some slack....

They’d better hope his son isn’t John.

It’s weird, because I did the same sort of thing this morning. My coworker tossed my set of keys to me, and I had to reach a bit to get them, but ended up dropping them and slamming my hand into the doorframe. I think I might’ve broken my finger...

Browns management are height supremacists.

So Malcolm Tucker is the new director of communication? This is better material than what Spicey provided SNL.

holy shit it’s happening already? fuck where did the summer go?

“Holding, offense, number 63, 10 yard penalty, repeat 3rd down”

“Complete dominance” by Team Sky, eh? You posted this three minutes ago. Team Sky broke and Froome lost the yellow jersey to Aru nearly an hour ago.

Man, I’ve never hit balls that hard even in video games, and dude does it without any effort at all. Never before have I seen a player more deserving of Mercy’s line to Roy Hobbs in The Natural—”Interesting, the way you mistreat a baseball.”

“Well, he popped that one u — holy shit it’s a homer...”

I used to work with a Kiwi, who’d be checking his local papers online over lunch, and I remember him showing me a piece about a bar fight in Auckland amongst a gang of 50-year-olds.

I bet Hayward is just thrilled he doesn’t have to deal with any of this nonsense in Boston, where the only thing they burn is crosses.

My anxiety can’t handle this, man.

Terri, CLEAR YOUR FUCKING INBOX!

As always, the lesson here is: Don’t ever try to have any fun in baseball, ever.

The Gang Pulls Off an Upset