A) fuck your mom, what a horrific way to treat your child

“Smile!” No. 

“Be honest." "Just be yourself" "Say what's on your mind.". Lol. I want to keep my job, my marriage, and my friends, thanks. 

Lifts?

When Tootight Lululemon opens up her mouth, all that comes out is the stink of 30 volume bleach and the sound of Scrabble tiles falling to the floor. Ignore.

Congrats Damon!

If it requires me to vacuum seal food in a plastic bag in order to cook it, it’s too much. It’s extra. It’s thirsty. 

oh lord yes, how did sous vide not make it into this list? a thousand times thirstier than instant pot. 

Cardi B is parched and Jezebel is her drinking fountain.

No one should need a $79 device to make a “perfect” boiled egg.

If only something in this story rhymed with gritty.

Missing Cardi B. 

Excuse you but where is Hot Duck? Hot Duck lives for the attention and has practically taken over NYC all while pretending he doesn’t care.

My totally unsubstantiated and possibly incorrect theory is that the dad and Samantha have been in cahoots to embarrass and bring Meghan down for some time. I think they thought him backing out of the wedding at the 12th hour and going to TMZ would lead to the wedding being postponed or canceled all together. They…

my girl turned 6 on dec 3rd!

Tesla is unhappy about the new roommate who showed up last week, but she loves the new chair that mysteriously arrived on the same day.

Peanut and Harvey say hi! Or they would but both are stalking me because I’m eating cheese puffs.

Yeah! Crafts!

I’ve been putting on the pounds over the past few months, and I need to start shedding a lot of weight. I’m starting a high protein, low carb diet, and I’ve increased the amount of strength training I do at the gym. Aside from that, does anyone here have any advice from their own experience on how to lose weight fast?

My Mom buys into astrology. She was a teenage runaway in ‘69 and her and my dad were very bohemian. But she had her natal charts and would do readings. She started out as skeptic doing it for fun, at some point it morphed into an open belief. She’s retired now, and had a real job since ‘85. I used to sorta make fun of…