You know who wouldn't make any money if it weren't for players? Darren Rovell.

Too much anal sex. He broke his butt.

Meanwhile, Jimmy Butler is looking more and more like this generation's Dilbert

both evolution and creationism requires faith

Keith Law has the science on his side, but you have to give a man of faith like Schilling credit—

Yeah, does anybody know why the fuck Sports Illustrated didn't consult MantiMeow on this?

Just to get out in front of anything that might happen during the game, league officials have stated that any player attempting a snow-related celebration will be flagged - and fined - for excessive Tauntaun.

It was less fun for Kyle Orton's kids. I still can't figure out how he managed to miss the snow.

I don't understand all this talk about throwing people under the bus. If you've ever seen RG3 play, you know he'd bounce them about 10 feet in front of the bus.

strap

You know you're a soft when a basketball player calls you a pussy.

So let me get this straight. These people don't believe in evolution because it doesn't work like it does on the Pokemon cartoon?

I did once see a workhorse evolved into a jackass.

So, what, you think now he's a 20/10 guy?

Fortunately, Cutler is immune to criticism. Unlike his kids, who aren't immune to a goddamn thing.

The fact that Drew doesn't seem to recognize clips from the movie Heavy Metal is bothering me way more than it should.

I will reiterate my belief that the entire purpose of these talking heads and reporters at ESPN is to create controversy for all other ESPN writers, reporters and "analysts" to bloviate on. It's a big ol' circle jerk.

Tell me more about Notre Dame and what it was like when you played, Mike.

Baltimore Ravens: "The 15 year-old boy deeply regrets the role he played during the incidents."