The Ike and Bette tweets are everything.

I found this:

So, I see you have idiot Tomato Face-like trolls over here at Deadspin, too. How disappointing.

Whose a good boy? Yes you are! Yes you are! You’re my good boy!

Right? I came on last night to find the last post was the one I’d participated in earlier in the day. They basically just said “fuck it, we’re closing early.” Kind of disappointing, but it’d be in line with how they’ve been running the site, lately.

If that’s a serious question, I feel sad for you. No one on this earth thinks he came up with that statement. Look alive, girl.

Ryan Lochte’s lawyer apologizes. lol He doesn’t know what a third of those words in that statement mean, bless his heart.

So, like, we missed the part where she picks him up, carries him out of the arena to the soundtrack of The Bodyguard and walks him straight into the sea off Impanema Beach, right?

Bless your heart.

Nobody cares, love.

That skip-to-my-loo stance is meme-worthy. Quick, someone photoshop Bolt into the liberation of Paris.

lol

This is the best thing in this entire election season, bar none.

That’s probably literally the only time they’ve ever been confused for one another. lol

I saw him being interviewed, tonight, and I ain’t even mad, anymore. Imma just let him and Michael go off into the sunset on their high-note. Twas a beautiful thing.

He will feel Phelp’s eyes on him wherever he goes for the rest of his life. He will pray for death to be released from his eternal, earthly gaze.

But, enough about Jared Fogle.

Fuck Chad. What a fucking Chad. Didn’t even place, you fucking Chad.

Does he even triceps, bro?