I would not have guessed that multiple people would take issue with the idea that Burneko could kick an alien’s ass.

The example I always think of is a time when I was riding in the back of my friend’s Rav4 (stupid, yes, I know, but the car was full and I’m an idiot), and a guy was riding his ass during a merge so my friend ... brake-checked him. When I, very calmly, asked what the fuck was wrong with him, his explanation was that…

One of the most amazing things about people who do things like tailgate and brake-check is, if you talk to them about it, how absolutely confident they are that they are special and it’s always another driver’s fault. As if the fact that another driver did something stupid somehow reduces their own culpability for…

If this were any other franchise, I would say that this long of a search is an indication that the owner is trying to find a GM who will agree to implement some sort of strategic vision. As it is the Wizards, and Leonsis let Grunfeld run the place for a decade and a half because he presumably forgot he owned the team,…

Think about it: the cryptids are just taking advantage of our natural aversion to looking at other people in uncomfortable situations. Nessie’s just been hanging out naked in a steam room this whole time.

My theory is that Bigfoot is the mysterious monster that destroys every public restroom. When you walk in on a fecal crime and wonder “how did they get shit there?” the answer is clear: Bigfoot.

Pizza Man is Hot & Ready

I didn’t think it was possible to have a President more embarrassing than, you know, having royalty. But we’ve done it. Good job.

Proposal: All pollsters must ask “Have you just been fucking with me this whole time?” at the end of every survey, and we all agree to tell them the truth. Should clear up those Michael Bennet votes.

Clearly cats are accelerationists. They will act as particularly cruel masters to bring about class consciousness, but will still get under a tire and scrap should the opportunity arise.

Of course I would rather have them win it all, but if you can’t find joy in a season that ends short of the World Series, and think there is “nothing to show for it,” maybe being a sports fan is not for you. Game 163 against Detroit in ‘09 is still the best game I have been to in person. The fact that they shit the…

Considering that my highest hopes for this team heading into the year were “play meaningful games in September,” I will happily take getting crushed in the playoffs if it means another 100 games of fun baseball.

It is not the flavors but the textural contrast that I find disturbing in your suggestion.

I was definitely pulling that up to post it as well. Possibly my favorite Deadspin headline of all time.

Life has taught me that God’s Plan is just to humiliate us as much as possible.

I genuinely like VanVleet because he played in the best college basketball game I’ve ever seen (Witchita St vs Kentucky in 2014). I half believe they keep bringing that up to make me hate him.

As long as VanVleet continues to shoot 80% from 3 as he has the past 3 games, I don’t see any reason Toronto can’t win.

Boston Bruins: Somehow Finding a Way to Make Bears Bad Since 1924

The fact that there is clearly a used knife in the After photo is fucking me up. What did he need the knife for? I could sort of see digging into the middle of a giant stack of pancakes with just a fork. Go at it like a madman. Could be fun. But he cut it into small pieces with a knife and fork and ate out the middle…

The UFOs are hitchBOT’s family and they are coming for you, Albert.