To be fair "in order to meet their customers' expectations of shittiness" is basically the tagline for every microbrewery that hypes their IPAs over stouts.

Time to pull out this time-tested Northern Plains Minnesota Vikings joke: "Will Mrs. Gronseth please report to stadium security and claim her children? They are beating the Vikings 28 to 0."

"I can't handle getting our butts whipped."

"I'm the boss. It is their job to please me."

Maybe he should put the whole damn team on an island and nuke them 'till they glow.

It's more common than you think. Every one of Floyd Mayweather's opponents has punched a dick.

Don't be sad my DC brother, that isn't even the worst sports logo in Ohio.

There's a single tear in my eye over how quickly Deadspin has forgotton me.

The opposite is true in Canada. First Nations, aboriginal, native, or indigenous seem to be preferred. While some bands here do still use the term "indian", it has fallen out of favour years ago. Unless, of course, one is referring to a person from India.

What if the massive genetic edge was that they were 5 inches taller?

Please explain to me again... Why, exactly, would I want to go to watch an NFL game live?

No. You shouldn't have specified. This three comment series was magic as it is.

What? They are not Super Bowl contenders but they have been in every game and are .500. I'd be pretty stoked id I was a Browns fan right now.

It actually makes a ton of sense when read in Dingbat.

and people wonder how fights get started. what a douche.

Kill football.

I'm sure all those NFL fans will be very supportive of Abdullah.

Agreed I did not see the prayer as it cut to a different angle of Tom Brady sulking on the floor after getting leveled.

Do you think anybody will be left in the NFL PR department at the end of this season?

Keep fucking that chicken, NFL.