It’s important to stock up on snacks before you get too far into the couch. However, it is also important to make sure those munchies are distinguishable from the thing that gets you high. 

The ‘ol Nuremberg defense.

Looka me! I get all the adulation of a cop with none of the flack! I shoplift lustily from every scene I arrive on but am somehow seen as a muscular hero compared to people in blue. Further, I am not drug tested, while your favorite enemies the cops, are. Cough, cough. Label me a GD hero. NYPD lost a bunch more…

Just trash. No need to qualify it.

Literally no one in power has suffered as a result of his disclosures. Document dumping is not journalism. 

I completely loathe birds. My friend caught me feeding a piece of tortilla to a sparrow the other day and she was like “I thought you hated birds” and I was like “to be fair, it’s not good for them”. I also have a chunky little Siamese cat. She’s cuter that way.

I have gotten in to far too many arguments over the difference between Chicago style and deep dish. As I see it the issue is this: If you order a pizza in Chicago you will not get a deep dish pie. You must specifically order deep dish. When you order pizza you get a pie with a crackery buttery crust that’s cut into…

Awwww, shucky ducky!

Recently I was on vacation with some friends. We were violently hungover discussing the Domino’s deal and my buddy goes “Sure I’d get that logo on me. No big deal, couple of dice.” We all died laughing and have never let him forget the time he let us all know that he thought the DOMINOS LOGO was two dice side by side.

Nico’s in Tucson

“Robbins said that police were charging the protesters with “interference with the peaceful conduct of an educational institution.”

The Meet Rack in Tucson, Arizona.

I turned 36, I ate mushrooms and listened to Billie Eilish, and nothing changed. Did I do it wrong?

I enjoy ripping the Red Vines bag open and letting them get stale for a few days. Then you have what is essentially slightly fruity rawhide you can really got to town on. But since I moved to Florida they don’t get nearly as tough for the humidity. Alas and alack.

These assholes. Our idiot system is set up so that white dudes with their thumb over their fist can tell us about grand plans. Abolish the two part system. Abolish private campaign funding. Increase the number of representatives 4x so we live in a representative democracy. That would also fuck up these gerrymandering…

Isn’t like the whole thing of Marmite to have thin layer that heightens the butter and toast underneath it? I think anchovy stuffed crust is an apt comparison because a single anchovy per slice of pizza is a thing of beauty. Any more than that and you’re salting the lily. So to speak.

I remember a college friend pulling off an, and I hate this term, epic prank/social experiment which lives on the internet to this day. http://www.thefutureshock.com/ Which all started with them forums.

This is such clear troll bait. Fuck ranch and the... tarragon? Or whomever spice gives it its non distinctive, only driven by cream, flavor it rode in on. For real, I’ve worked in the kitchen of sports dives from Buttdick to Lickhole and nerver have I erver seen a recipe for ranch. That shit is bought and is also shit.

Her voice is the first thing that hits you in the documentary. It is bracing. I was immediately thinking I had a problem with it for the wrong reasons. I got that it was an affectation shortly after, but jeez louise. Her fetishisation of the tech world and tech people became so apparent so immediately. If nothing else…

Pardon me if I don’t take my candy advice from the same person who wrote a truly deranged piece about sucking every single piece of candy until it no longer exists. The textural value of candy is lost if you never chew it. Licorice, gummies, Skittles, etc. require a hearty chew to appreciate all they have to offer.