Speaking of human sexuality courses: a friend had a class at UT with Vince Young and when the professor asked one day for people’s ideas of foreplay, Vince said “that’s like sucking on titties and what not”

I don’t have sex with Kate Upton or Justin Verlander. And, yes, it is because I am superstitious.

Me, too. I find I’m a better all-around performer when I don’t have sex with Kate Upton.

This is no time to stick to sports. That’s why I’m boycotting the Pro Bowl.

I just thought of something right now, and forgive me if I get a little corny. But reading how people are “oops, didn’t see that you were from Syria, go on ahead”, seeing that picture above of everyone waving the flag, holding the signs, letting others know that they ARE welcome....watching the protests today.....I am…

This is the most Canadian photograph in history

I referred to a couple guys as “hipsters” the other day and boy did they get upset. Apparently the politically correct term is “conjoined twins”.

Complaining about people who complain about hipsters? How hipster of you.

Ether became a verb after Nas created a song called “Ether” that destroyed Jay-Z lyrically and physiologically. It is one of the best rap dis tracks ever made. So much so that “Ether” became part of the Hip Hop lexicon meaning destroying one’s credibility. An “attempted” ethering doesn’t count.

This was also the latin motto of my university.

My fellow commenters never star my shit. It isn’t because it isn’t funny, it’s because you all are a bunch of bad teammates. I’ve gone to management repeatedly about this and they kept saying who are you? And please stop talking to us. Magary just sent me a link to his book and HamNo just yelled unions repeatedly. It…

The best thing about this post was that it was filed under “beeves,” as plural for beef.

As they say... well done.

Contemporary sociologists trace the origin of the phrase “alternate facts” back to the 2015, the year that the Super Bowl champion Carolina Panthers became the first team in NFL history to go undefeated.

That poor man, I hope he’s okay. What an ordeal — I mean, there was a black guy right by his fence!

(drinks Capri-Sun pack filled with human blood)

When Maureen Dowd asked Peter Thiel why Cirque de Soleil performers had been hired to build the new arena, he replied dryly, “I would ask you, why wouldn’t they build the arena? We need to move past this ancient idea that buildings should be built by people who know how to build buildings. Let acrobats take a stab at…

Easy there, Tomsula

Millenniums don’t even have to pay their dues before getting massive payouts and that’s why they are soft. Bill Belichik had to work for THIRTY YEARS in the rock smashing factory before anyone even allowed him into the room where you can look at a football. The only thing these Millenniums are DISRUPTING is hard work.…

I was starting to feel old because I’m older than the majority of NFL players. I am not prepared to be older than the coaches.

Poncho can be Trump’s Secret Service code name until the impeachment.