In other news:

Warning:

So, his dad looks my age, time to jump off a bridge

Huh, lot of awful white people.

When he starts a band.

Except it’s literally not. It’s exchanged as bits and bytes and never becomes physical capital. It is traded on high volume deals in a world in which we have no access. It makes no couches, buys no food. It’s taking the concept of fiat currency to the ultimate end-goal: an agreed upon series of numbers that only the…

Alternative headline: NBA 2k17 Vlade Divac Unrealistically Intelligent

4. Has Ben Affleck ever met an autistic person?

Love the spin: “We were just practicing so we could weed out the problems.” Riiiiight.

It still works! It’s a finely tuned machine! And Mexico is gonna pay for it...

Man, i hated rotary phones. You had to start all the way from the beginning if you made a mistake and didn’t dial the reich number.

great, that can can be your obituary

“C’mon guys, that was obviously a joke. You know, like the Texans.”

I’ve gotten so confused about where it’s permissible to pee. I keep urinating on Greg Abbott’s lawn, but judging by his reaction that’s not what he wanted. I only hope he’s not upset when he finds out where I’ve taken a shit.

Since the Texans have been a franchise, they’ve won more playoff games than the Cowboys during the same period.

Yeah, fuck that agent for trying!

“The legal blood alcohol limit in the Dominican is .05"

Maybe NBA dudes should have to graduate from college

Any leader who calls a free and independent press “the enemy of the people” is an existential threat to democracy.