great, that can can be your obituary

“C’mon guys, that was obviously a joke. You know, like the Texans.”

I’ve gotten so confused about where it’s permissible to pee. I keep urinating on Greg Abbott’s lawn, but judging by his reaction that’s not what he wanted. I only hope he’s not upset when he finds out where I’ve taken a shit.

Since the Texans have been a franchise, they’ve won more playoff games than the Cowboys during the same period.

Yeah, fuck that agent for trying!

“The legal blood alcohol limit in the Dominican is .05"

Maybe NBA dudes should have to graduate from college

Any leader who calls a free and independent press “the enemy of the people” is an existential threat to democracy.

I understand this rabbit. I mean, I always feel triumphant after I sniff a line.

No love for Mutant League Football?

Two things:

Right cause polling hasn’t been proven utterly fallible or anything.

There’s always next year!

I made pasta, played some GTA Online, downed a particularly strong (oops?) Maker’s and ginger, then browsed and was disappointed by what I found on OKC. Didn’t think to mast until I was getting ready for bed and by then I was too tired. Oh well.

Good enough to masturbate to.

I haven’t seen this big a burn from Atlanta since Sept. 1, 1864.

I hate to praise Sacramento and the Knicks for anything basketball-related, but at least they’re entertaining failure franchises. Post-Dwight Orlando has been just as much of a going-nowhere disaster, but in such a boringly nondescript way that it’s possible to entirely forget they exist.

Oh good, it’s not just me. It seems like NPC’s are specifically acting batshit crazy during Import/Export missions and not as much in freeroam (aside from their normal batshit craziness).

What blasphemy is this? Give high school kids with no interest in college an option that pays a living wage? Harrumph.

UMMMM EXCUSE ME BUT SURELY THE EDUCATION THEY GAIN IN THE D-LEAGUE IS EXTREMELY VALUABLE