Unable to maintain her Heroes virginity: Sigrid Valdis.

If nobody gives him a traditional Mame-ing, who knows what he might go on to do?

I was trying to work up something along the lines of Cee Lo taking Bachmann to Lamaze classes, but this will do.

Pictured: Promotional still from "Tyler Perry's Lost Weekend With Senor Wences."

Ravens-Steelers: Pennsylvania's Holiday From NAMBLA-Panderyism

I was sitting next to my friend on a bus the other day. He farted.

Balls which spin against themselves in a tensely restrained fashion are almost always the specialty of left footed Pinters.

According to several sworn affadavits submitted by former employees of Godfather's Pizza, Herman Cain was known for something called the "Panini Grope."

Fox News has a long way to go to earn the "Cable News sports graphic blunder" title, though; that belongs to CNN's report on Derek Jeter's 3,000th homer...

My account was just suspended for "The time to rise has been engaged > Better best to rearrange > I'm talking here to me alone > I listen to the finest worksong > Tebow"

+1.75l

Well, there was considerably less shit-talking on the ESPN Tebow thread than there was on the FlyerTalk forum started by disgruntled travelers at the Los Angeles airport, X>LAX.

"Hello, Sigma Nu house, how may I help you?"

Tebow . . . earned a 3.4 on ESPN's Total QBR rating, the lowest since 2008 for any quarterback with enough snaps to qualify.

+1 semen-encrusted copy of The Watchtower

President's room:

Neither side is willing to budge on the BRI split

Meanwhile the International Scatting Union released the following statement:

Brownie Bottom Pi is the best-selling title in Vivid's niche Trachette Jackson fantasy porn series.

Freese's jersey will be delivered to the Hall of Fame sometime Tuesday, once Rick Allen is finished using it as his Halloween costume.