tl:dr but, judging from the picture, I can only assume the story has something to do with Pitino banging Judge Judy.

Speaking of depressing tail, did you hear the one about Robert Evans banging Sylvia Plath?

Outrageous! This is clearly the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of Dallas.

Not Pictured: Bob Mayo on keyboard. Bob Mayo.

In other news concerning iced cunts, Sue Mengers is dead.

Thank God. St. Louis has been looking for a feel-good sports story today.

In the Haynesworth household it's always T-bone time o'clock.

"Sweetness was enigmatic? Couldn't get bran flakes to do the trick?"

"That's a pretty mild hacking, as far as I'm concerned."

Wait, a story about the manufacture of ice in southwest Missouri? Around here we call that "every fucking day."

Full Tilt Won't Go Kobe In Italy

Nice to see a story about a Cardinal getting jobbed that doesn't end with litigation from an altar boy.

Sharting In The Basement: A Day Spent With Franklin Gutierrez In His Rec Room

"No, no, you heard me wrong."

Well played, Drew - publishing Aussie and Canadian DHF tales on the day when Deadspin is sponsored by "How To Make It In America."

Watch Bemused Margaret Dumont Ask Groucho Marx "What’s A Henway?"

Taylor Dayne Expects That Love Will Lead You Back

I've also always thought divisions were dumb, but I'm the only one.

Here.

Redacted. Exceeded stupid:funny ratio.