Jessica Kirson started in New York

a shell of a man fighting for his career, bombing spectacularly on national television

"FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS!"

Foul Ball Does Not Drop Baby

Fuck You Gumby

Pictured: Chubby, Slamma Lamma Ding Dong

Pictured: Red skin. Gross, man.

"AHEM"

UCF; ICDD

Great pic, but where's Boz and the rest of Morrissey's band?

Yep. Pretty rad, no?

Also getting predictably naysayed today — and every day? Matthew Broderick.

Tiger Woods loses watch

The BBL is objectively the worst domestic league in all of Europe.

"Bad move, Shannon. Those green ones are too hot and stuffy. I used the one on the far left. Much cooler."

Meanwhile, I violated the Cathy code by successfully losing weight and sleeping with Irving.

I have to say I'm completely taken by Kumail's chutney voice and cobra-seducing charm.

Not a bad sports comedy debut. On a scale of 1-10 I'd give it a 7.11.

+1 photograph on the dashboard

The fact that this team is playing .500 ball is testimony to the extraordinary amount of thought each player is putting into his game. And we all know that thinking too hard about baseball makes it rather difficult to maintain an erect position.