A simple blood test verified the authenticity of Magic Johnson's retroviral stance.

My favorite "Athlete does something impossible" video featuring a Pat is the one where Albert Haynesworth eats a salad.

a victim who has been chained up, ball-gagged, and held hostage for years within the arena's cold depths: the Islanders franchise.

Early news reports indicate that the late pitcher's workmanship on the makeshift noose was shoddy and death did not come quickly. Thus, Irabu joins purported steroid abuser Roger Clemens on the list of poorly hung Yankee pitchers.

The last guy to get that worked up about receiving a discarded Ball: Gary Morton.

Meanwhile, my obsession with the Serie DD fixtures of another De Laurentiis explains why some pages of this month's Food Network Magazine are more difficult to separate than others.

Speaking of Monte Carlo-based accidents, I need to send my illegitimate son a birthday card.

Once the vehicles had been cleared from the scene, street cleaning crews spent hours picking up the bits of metal, glass and Grey Poupon that were left behind.

A Poem For Albert Haynesworth, Composed By Dexter Manley

Now that is newsworthy, and would warrant many a Twitty comment.

Cristiano Ronaldo Could End Up Being Seized By The European Central Bank

The only good dirt I get from my Snoopy neighbor involve some blockheaded bald kid who is routinely harassed by a couple of lesbians, one of whom is a butch ginger and the other one who routinely pussywhips her thumbsucking wuss of a brother.

Kim Kardashian was Reggie Bush's backyard practice facility.

elite prostitution ring

a changing of the guard of in the Brasileirão

Hurray! Andy Reid Is Trying To Get Away!

Notorious anniversary DUAN!

Now you're just taunting the feebled starless with your Pinkist jokes.

Well, like the old saying goes, you can't spell MARINERS or properly diagnose a potentially fatal cerebrovascular catastrophe without M, R and I.

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