Safe Space #8:

Is this where I’m supposed to ask you about Roger Federer’s work on ratifying the Constitution?

This is mostly correct.

What the hell - can’t these illegals learn English? This is America!

Stop getting your terrible white people stereotypes confused.

If it were me, I think I’d just not go to prison in the first place.

All I want is someone to speed this up and add the Benny Hill theme in the background.

Yes Alex, I’d like “Things no one is wondering right now” for $1,000.

You’re just jealous of Poli Sci majors that play Sim City all day...er...became urban planners.

If the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn’t, it’s that girls should stick to girl’s sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing.

Imagine being a fly on the wall of the room where the guy wearing the N.W.O. shirt got dressed this morning...

Except Phillips waited to go to jail before working his way up to murder.

Pretty sure the last team to successfully pull this off was the Hackensack Bulls.

Looking forward to tomorrow’s post:

If her husband was a football player...

Well - and Missouri and Iowa.

Because if there’s a time for a really nice pair of boots - it’s for when you go out for a stroll on your artificial turf lawn.

“He’s always been my hero. I had no idea this guy played baseball!”

Cue the terribleness of Sarah McLachlan.

Solid work by TBS nearly missing the final pitch while showing Dodgers fans mulling the traffic snarls they were looking forward to sitting in.