I’m not THAT much better than that, let’s  be honest.

So many people make this website what it is every day for its readers, and most people never see their bylines on the site. Kavi’s one of those people. It can’t be overstated just how much Kavi’s done for Jalopnik and its readers. Any contentious story, any big investigation, anytime we had a question about who or…

Fun fact...all the male staffers have terrible mustaches like that. 

Somebody never went to a Catholic school

Why the heck is someone’s mom writing for the student paper?  

lol.

Alright, we get it. It’s an ESPN metaphor. 

Incoming summons in 3-2-1....

If they only ran one loop, they would have gotten their 6.4-mile split across then ran on to the finish line without doing the second loop.

Fun fact: “The Touching is, To Me, Off Limits,” was the original title of MC Hammer’s 1990 breakthrough single. 

I too am a billionaire if you estimate the value of my brand at $4 billion. Please don’t make me own the Bills.

Impressive list of complaints from people who saw a “spa” in a strip mall and thought, “Yeah, that checks off all the boxes, I’m in.”

This is a good take because drivers are never distracted and couldn’t possibly hit a pedestrian paying attention and legally crossing the road.

I don’t need some internet stranger judging my breakfast choices.

My car cannot be better than my clients

The frightening thing is that the idea that better off people deserve to be paid more because it’s what they’re used to really is how these assholes think. 

Next year they gotta wait and do the draft during All-Star weekend.  Have everyone get in one room and do it pick-up style. 

• If you have small children with you, protect them by picking them up so they won’t panic and run.