"The reason it bothers me is because it seems like bitch is an accepted way of calling somebody the N-word now. That N-word being notgoodatdrivingdrunk."
-Jim Harbaugh

At Hazy Acres, your beloved current or former NFL'er can live out his remaining days surrounded by like minded individuals. Specializing in the currently, and recently concussed - Hazy Acres provides adequate care. Patients may also use the facilities to play rock, paper, rock,paper, rock, paper, rock, paper, rock,…

Richard Sherman should be forced to wear one of these. We'll see how uppity his post-game interviews are then.

The Deadspin comment section.

All of the crowd in attendance admitted to taking performance enhancing drugs.

"And the duty of scrubbing off months of sun-baked pigeon shit will undoubtedly fall upon my hands, as per usual. Fucking classist bullshit."
-Mr. Belvedere.

Syndicate was fantastic. I enjoyed blowing up parades of people.

Classism mostly.

Tom Ley is a virgin! #superfact

They also give celebrities their own authentic, personalized jerseys. For when they need to come off the bench in the second quarter after Bargnani has wandered into Queens, Carmelo has drowned in a pool of his tears, and the Knicks are down by 45 to Milwaukee.

Not a bad summation. However if they really wanted to capture what it's like to be a football player, it should have faded to black at the end.

Emperor Hirohito is rolling in his grave. Presuming of course that he was a fan of baseball, because if he was this would surely invoke such a reaction.

So If i'm to follow the logical progression of things, Zanardi will now die attempting to run across Canada, murder his girlfriend, or marry Paul McCartney?

I think that minus the black eye, and chemical burn? rash? That she is actually kind of pretty. That being said, I have no doubt that she would gut me like a walleye and stash my eyeballs in her purse.

Dat shit Creigh!

Is Putin aware that there appears to be a completely sanctioned event wherein the athletes participating are made to appear as human-sized rainbow-penises?

Bargnani continues to do his best impression of Columbus looking for India.

This is the dream Martin Luther King was talking about...
[wipes tears from eyes]
[resumes reading The Turner Diaries]

"The Conquering Negro" was actually trademarked by Wilt Chamberlain.

It's refreshing to see someone from Green Bay dunking something other than Kielbassa loaf in a vat of congealed cheese curds.