They actually give really good attack (like a traditional jazz pick) and a really warm, dynamic sound (much better than steel or plastic). Also they give you cancer.

"And if you wanted to get really ironic and meta about it, burritos have to validate their own identity based solely on their binary relationship to other tortilla based foods according to Saussurean structuralist thought!"

We came, we - no, that's it. We came.

My favorite passage copied in the Buzzfeed piece: "Her body is pressed against mine, and the feel of her breasts and her heat through my shirt is arousing. She has a fresh, wholesome fragrance that reminds me of my grandfather's apple orchard."

Christian Grey talking to his dick might be worth the price of admission:

Or, hear me out, you can like a fictional scene without morally condoning the action contained within in.

He became a dad to twin girls (!) so his snark future is looking pretty bright. I assume he's on leave.

I'm sorry I had to fight in the middle of your Black Panther party.

I don't see how a story about pedophilia within the Catholic Church from the Grey’s Anatomy writers could possibly go wrong.

"You're about to find out who I am." - Reese Witherspoon in Tilanqiao Prison

"And we'll call it Deadwood: Season 4. And it'll be on HBO. With the original cast. And David Milch."

Eh, Westerns are I-IV-V like the blues, but now that you mention bringing Olyphant and Goggins back…

ROLL CREDITS!

"Ooh, child, things are gonna get easier. Ooh child, things will get brighter."

It can be two things.

*Texas drunkenly bursts into the room and falls asleep on the couch without taking off its boots*

And to Romney's great credit (weird words to type), he's been consistent on this position since at least 2007.

“one of those symbols that should really only be seen on t-shirts, belt buckles, and bumper stickers to help the rest of us identify the worst people in the world.”

The fact that other totally not racist presidents actually owned black people is entirely besides the point!

"Good people make mistakes"