Not everybody has the best taste when it comes to noms de plume.

Luckily my cousin Karen is a full on bag of clownshit with I-need-to-talk-to-your-manager hair.

I wore a coat today that had $5 in the pocket. Free money.

So you and Chris Pine Eiffel Tower your wife. Enjoy the good times.

This lawyer is doing yeoman's work to paint her incompetent instead of criminally liable. This is what zealous advocacy looks like when you're guilty as sin.

Her lawyer is trying (really trying) to thread the needle to benefit their client. Incompetence is better than culpability (legally speaking.)

Everyone watching that ad is laughing at the stupid people.

Heads are overrated. 

I would do anything to drive one of these. I suspect sawing off my own head just to fit is one of those things.

I drove a Plymouth Sundance once. Thirty years ago.

“Clean these up real nice. I’m gonna go jerk off.”

The oil embargoes in the 1970s cause a bike boom. Almost every bike brand went bankrupt in the 1980s.

You have the confidence of an imbecile. Your life must be bliss.

Every time I’ve seen a tax implemented in my life, over the long term they widen the scope of it.

Then how did he get access to all those space ships? Answer that, fancy director man.

Take it to set? I bet that target practice occurred on set.

This is why I limit my marquee snark to mocking babies and nursing home patients.

Every “youth oriented” brand ended up selling a hatchback to your grandmother.