I’m writing a fanfic that combines this and “The Wolf of Wall Street.” I’m actually kind of proud of it. Can the next big author be me?

Would you care to read my draft 50 fic? In mine, “Shmannah” a young woman who hears slutty voices in her head falls in love with “Schmedward” a wealthy businessman with a dark past. But can Schmannah cure him with her sparkly vagina? Or will she choose her friend Schmacob who is a poor but has abs (spoiler: no!)? Oh…

That is an instant de-friend right there.

If the NFL crumbles from within because a 49er QB took a knee, I’ll be the smilingest motherfucker on the planet.

Let the motherfucker burn.

Oh god I so hope this is the opening volley in the labor battle that destroys the NFL

“I know what I know and don’t care what the facts say.”

I own a bar so I run it myself. But believe me, there are many bar owners who would love someone to do it. Problem is, most bar DJ’s suck at it.

LMAO do you think these people like you back, Andy? you don’t think they see your heritage and think you’re violent, illegal, inhuman, undeserving of rights or dignity? If you don’t know that that is exactly how they see you, I truly feel sorry for you and hope you learn to read at some point.

That fucking exposé, man.

Please let Scott Pruit be next.

My bestie is currently married to a Kevin, and having spent an hour on the phone with her this morning doing my best to offer support from across the country, I would simply like to say to these dickwads:

thank’s

Trump once attempted a to recreate that scene from Valkyrie.

Given that he’s got a list already, definitely not a new word for this guy

Counterpoint: no, they don’t; you just get acclimated.

I like that there are too many shows. I can scroll through Netflix and say “Oh, I heard that was good, I should watch it some time.” Then I go right to the same 2 shows or 5 movies that I always watch and feel safe and boring and comfortable. But I thought about something different. And that’s just as good as doing…

Sir, this is a Wendy’s drive-thru.

Here’s my reply:

Promoting Kurdish independence is probably the least shady thing Manafart has ever done. Yes, the US opposes it, because we’re trying to make nice with Turkeye and our ex-Ba’athist oil stooges, but Kurdish independence is actually a positive.