The West has won 5 of 6 Cups this decade.

Ah! I’ve been getting it for a year now and have been wondering “Who the hell sent me this free Lucky subscription?” because clearly whoever that is does not know me well. With a new baby and a job in non-profit, I don’t have time or money to deal with $50 mascara. Now I know what was happening. Thanks!

When it debuted, I read Lucky religiously, bought the books, etc., until the team that founded the mag left and so did I. A couple of years ago, I picked up a copy and found it strange that a mag that skewed younger in style featured pretty much only ridiculously, prohibitively expensive products. Back it the day, it…

I completely read this as "Joan Smells", and I was like, well, the people at Lucky are upset with Joan, and are out of ideas as to get her to not smell.

In high school, I once went on vacation with my boyfriend’s family to hawaii. His dad is kind of authoritarian, not in the christian sense but in the, “I can buy your entire existence so what I say goes” kind of way. He decided that we would spend a day driving around Maui, so 6-8 hours in the car, with me sandwiched…

Your mom is a rock star.

Does it count if you didn’t fully realize it was awful?

I was about five years old. My mother decides to load four of us kids in the van and take us from Washington State to California, to go to my mom’s cousin’s wedding. While there, we were also going to visit her siblings and go to Disneyland and all sorts of fun…

Someone who chars hundred-dollar bills over an open flame, I guess?

Sometimes a rolled up hundred dollar bill just isn’t fancy enough.

I’m trying to not think of how gross I find this family and all their bullshit, so I’ve instead decided to focus on who’s hair is worse - Dim Bulb or Michelle-Shocked

A bottle of Bloody Mary mix I brought back from Portland -> Philadelphia.

Just wheeling the thing through the airport, leaving a trail of coagulated red liquid wherever I went.

Body in my suitcase? Of course not. Whatever gives you that ide...oh.

Back in 1999 I was living in Chicago with a couple of roommates I’d graduated college with the year before. Our day-to-day was pretty typical. Get up. Work at some crappy office job M-F. And then to numb the pain of having to work in some soulless corporate office tower, completely destroy ourselves in whatever bar…

I once pretended to be a sex shop owner named Allison who held a very popular event called Naked Fridays in rural Virginia. Why, you ask? Bc when I got my first tattoo, I used a fake ID that my friend gave me and that’s what the real Allison did for a living. So when the tattoo artist started asking what I did for…

In the mid 2000’s i worked as a part time artistic nude model for photographers. I had a profile online where photographers could contact me through an anonymous email for work. One guy contacted me, offering $250 for a few hours work - no nudity involved.

(This one’s really about my cousin pretending to be someone else, but it’s gold). Okay, so, my entire extended family used to travel to Myrtle Beach and stay in those beachfront resort campgrounds in our RVs. If you’re familiar, you’ll recall that the big thing for teenagers there is to rent one of the resort’s golf…

Finally! I’ve been on the lookout for this post for days. Easily my favorite feature on Millihelen.

My nailpolish in glossy box was a base coat (insert sad music here), but the lipstick is lovely.

It was a typical night out at the bars in Minneapolis & was having a great time talking to a really nice guy. In the middle of a sentence, Josh Hartnett bounds up to the guy and drags him away while shouting, “No. Beer googles, dude. No. Beer goggles. Beer goggles. No. No. No. No. Take off your beer goggles. No. No.…