What if the tampon string was coated in wax? That way if it accidentally gets peed on, the liquid will just run right off.

1. Fats Waller, “a handful of keys”.

Also, I would personally like to express my gratitude to Donald Trump’s for in 2017 not a single meteor penetrated to atmosphere to strike my home. Thank you oh benevolent overlord and provider of safety.

Let’s see: moronic ownership group, check; shitty product, check; increased prices for shitty product, check; and finally, nauseating sculpture in the outfield, check. Alright, sign me up...

Erik, you have caused me a major flashback. As a teenager and the only sane member of my family I was tasked with caring for my sick old grandma. Granny lived onE. 236 in the Bronx. The Cross Bronx was the main way in and out, at least the only way I knew at 17 in my 3 pedal Chevelle. I hated it then (1988ish) and I…

I now think I know where my grandmother’s missing curtains have gone. Christ on a cracker Melania, really?

Mrs. Phallus and I married on a beach on Kauai, sans shoes 😁...

So much winning. I’m tired of all the winning...

Reaching back to feel spine.....

One more comment like that and she is coming over and bringing her bean burrito gas with her...

Wait, what? Oh God how can I ever sleep again? After all I’ve done for you...

Correction: as a NJ native I resemble that remark. I believe you meant to say “Nickelback fans”.

Especially Eagles fans...

No, that was from 1979 to 1981. He saw Jesus in a motel outside of Phoenix.

“his shoes had their soles completely burned off, and are presumably being tended to by an emergency cobbler”. Wouldn’t be nearly as funny if the shoe was on the other foot :)

Watersports huh, shouldn’t be a problem for ol’ Donnie.

Hey! As a trial attorney I resent that remark about the criminal code...

Christ on a cracker, now he’s even dressing like Belichick. Soon they will just morph into one giant steaming heap of dumbness.

What has actually happened is that the cutting off the cloth hasn’t changed, only the labeling has changed. The XXL suit Bill wore was labeled XL last time he bought one.

When I was her age I was jerking off to Nat Geo pictures.