It would be great if Christians stopped confusing their own liberty and the liberty of other people. No one cares if you’re offended, Christians.

Certainly would help calm down Browns, Cavs and Bengals fans from their yearly fails.

90 years (in case anyone was wondering)

Being expected to leave the house. Ever.

Being forced to shower and maybe (probably not) brush my hair.

Waking up every morning.

So, can we expect a Madonna/Taylor Swift kiss at the next VMAs? Also, I do think that Tay has the emotional maturity of a 15 year old at times. This is one of those times.

My sister and I were just saying that if we were guys we’d probably get our dicks stuck in things in a non sexual way just to see if they fit.

Exactly. How about not wasting your time on cheating douchebags you feel you have to babysit.

A guy who has no problem fucking his children’s nanny has probably stuck his dick in a hundred other places. He just got caught this time because you don’t shit where you sleep.

Why would someone ruin a perfect glazed donut?

So the Beatles weren’t enough for her; now Yoko has set her sights on breaking up iambic pentameter. Great.

As long as we can all agree that the ‘lesbian’ porn where women horribly finger fuck each other with incredibly long nails while moaning in the fakest way imaginable is THE WORST. Please tell me we can all agree.

Make a note, anti-Spanish people: The US has no official language. It’s a fact. Also, if you have a problem with people speaking Spanish, you should probably leave California, and maybe just go ahead and leave the US altogether. Lots and lots of people speak Spanish here, probably because a huge portion of this…

Yeah, her hair color is really fantastic. (no sarcasm)

Can you imagine how terrifying that thing is when he gets out of the shower? His hair has to be like 8 inches long in strategic patches to pull this shit off.

At first I scoffed at $600, then I looked at the coloring of her hair and I could believe it. My haircut costs about $250 for a more balayage type of color + haircut. It seems like Hillary gets a similar treatment at a very upscale salon. I live in Boston.

How to start your day like Mocena: